The Gift
by solar-baeby
Summary: Bitter and mourning the death of his lover, Hiei is just trying to make it through his life one day at a time. Unfortunately, the universe decides to throw a brat named Yusuke directly into his path to trip him up. Hiding from people (and from his own heart) used to be easier than this. [Hiei/Yusuke] [M/M] [AU]
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** I really should be working on my latest fic, _Chances and Choices_ , but...the coffee shops in Seoul started playing Christmas music early, and I went back to re-read a story I had written a long time ago, and it nibbled it's way once I realized I could put my favorite idiots into the lead roles. So...yeah. Blame Christmas I guess? I'm _really_ hoping to have this finished by Christmas...but I make no promises.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the story!

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the original story idea.

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 **Ch. 1: Let it Snow**

Winter in the mountains was cruel and unforgiving. Even the valley, the lowest area by far, was ravaged by the season with piles of snow and biting wind. But Hiei enjoyed the remoteness of the area, and how few people dared to make the trek. He enjoyed living in a small community of people who knew him well, because it meant they also knew how to act around him: like he wasn't there. Hiei preferred anonymity to fame or popularity; laughable, really, when one considered the fact that he was a wildly popular author. The only time Hiei left his mountain refuge was when he needed to perform experience-based research for a novel, or he had to have a meeting with his editor. Every time he emerged in the "real world," he was overwhelmed with sights and smells and sounds. And people. So, so many people. Hiei hated people, so he tried to leave the village as little as possible.

And yet, at this moment, he would rather be in the middle of Shibuya during its busiest hour than in this tiny village he called home. He was fully aware of the pitying glances that were sent his way as he walked through the streets, and it was taking every ounce of self-control he had to not punch someone in the face. The one thing Hiei hated more than people was pity, and it seemed to be all these damn villagers wanted to give him lately. He glared at one woman, and instead of turning away in fear she gave him a sad smile that brought a growl to his lips and pain to his heart.

Hiei gripped his shopping bags more tightly and tried to walk faster and ignore the eyes that followed him and the voices that were filtering into his ears..

"-the poor thing-"

"-absolutely dreadful-"

"-you can't be too careful-"

"-why you can't go into the city-"

"-one year today-"

"-to lose someone you love-"

Tension filled his body as he fought back memories and emotions. _That's it,_ Hiei thought. _I'm wearing a disguise next time. Or I'll get a housekeeper to deal with this for me._ Yes, his lover had died. Yes, it hurt like hell then and it still hurt now. But he just wanted to move on. He wanted space, dammit, and they weren't giving it to him. The place that had once been his haven was now his own personal hell. Everyone knew him; they knew _about_ him. And yet now they didn't seem to know (or care) how he wanted them to act, as though they had forgotten who he was.

A cold breeze blew by and caused a shiver to shake Hiei's body. He probably should have worn a thick sweater instead of his thin turtleneck, but he hadn't thought about it much when he had left his home. Which was stupid of him considering he hated to be cold. He was known for wearing as many layers as possible when winter came to the village. In fact, they used to tease him about his "cocoon" every winter, when his heavier clothing came out weeks before anyone else's. But this morning he had been tired, sniffling, and suffering from the headache from hell and all he had wanted was to get to a pharmacy as fast as he could to prevent whatever the sickness was from getting worse.

"Next time I'll just ask Yukina to bring me the medicine," he grumbled, and wondered why he hadn't asked his sister (a nurse) in the first place. He paused at a crosswalk to wait for the light to turn and took the opportunity to adjust the bags in his hands. He'd stopped at the grocery store as well as the pharmacy to get food for dinner; he hadn't been able to eat breakfast because of his empty cupboards and refrigerator. He'd decided to get more food since he had a deadline coming up and didn't know when he would have the time or energy to do so.

As he waited for the light to turn green, Hiei observed the people across the street. It was a habit of his to watch everyone around him. He used people as inspiration for his novels, because the tiniest scar or the most insignificant quirk could spark an idea. His last novel (a thriller about a serial killer with seven split personalities trying to show how evil humans were by pushing innocent people to their breaking point and having _them_ kill the victims)) had actually been inspired by a man he had seen in passing -a man who had had the coldest eyes he'd ever seen. That novel had practically written itself.

The faces across the street were all different, though primarily elderly. It wasn't really a surprise since most of the young people in the village moved to the city once they began university. They didn't like to stay away from the busy life longer than they had to. However, there were a few young faces in the crowd, most likely back for the winter holidays. And one of them in particular caught Hiei's eye. It was a young man, wearing a hideous green jacket with a plaid collar over a plain white T-shirt and jeans. His short black hair had been slicked back, and his hands shoved into his pockets as he slouched. His brown eyes were almost sparkling with an anger that matched the scowl on his face. He was turned away from the short old woman currently yelling at him.

 _He could be a gangster,_ Hiei thought in amusement. _He has the look. I bet he even scares little kids with an expression like that_. The crossing light turned green, but the boy and old woman stayed where they were, lips moving in conversation. Hiei moved with the crowd on his side, and as he came closer, he realized he recognized the old woman. Genkai, the master of a dojo-slash-temple farther into the mountains. She was famous in their village, a brilliant martial artist who had thousands of hopefuls visiting her each year for the chance of becoming her student. And each year she sent them packing with their tails between their legs after long visits to the local hospital. Hiei heard their conversation as he moved closer to them.

"I asked you to do one thing, Slacker, just one thing!"

"And I told ya grandma, I'm busy!"

"Yes, busy doing nothing."

"It's the holidays! Why the _hell_ would I want to stay inside with you harping at me all day?"

Their banter was amusing, and Hiei found that a smirk had formed without him realizing it. "Yelling at the young ones now, Genkai? I guess you're finally starting to act your age."

Genkai turned and looked ready to set fire on whoever had dared to insult her, but she saw who it was and held her words back. Her expression turned bored. "Oh, it's you. So, you finally decided to emerge from your cave?"

"I heard you shouting from my home. Someone had to come shut you up before you broke some eardrums."

"Ah, then you must have heard the crybaby over here. _His_ screams are the ones that will deafen you."

"Hey!" The boy ( _No_ , Hiei thought _, not a boy. He's a man, though barely_ ) next to Genkai finally spoke up and turned his full attention to the shorter pair. The fire in those eyes, born from youth and confidence and unchecked emotion, reached deep inside Hiei, and for a moment he wondered where his air had gone. "Don't trash talk me you old hag, especially not in front of someone I don't know!"

"Maybe I wouldn't talk trash if you at least pretended to be a respectable person." Genkai quirked a thumb in Hiei's direction. "He does it pretty well, maybe he can give you some lessons."

"At least I haven't sent anyone on a month-long visit to the hospital," Hiei replied. He was grateful that Genkai was still treating him the same as before. She was the only person in the village (besides Yukina and her sister-in-law Shizuru) he could tolerate and even respect. Though it did depend on the day.

"Recently," was Genkai's one-word reply, and all Hiei did was shrug.

"So, who's the kid? You're grandson?"

"Gah!" The boy exclaimed, gripping his arms and shuddering exaggeratedly. "Don't give me nightmares, shorty."

"You won't have to worry about nightmares if you call me that again." Hiei glared at the other man and was surprised when he held Hiei's gaze without flinching. He even had the gall to smirk. Something about that smirk was familiar, though Enma only knew why.

"Whenever you're ready."

A challenge burned in those eyes like a wildfire. It made Hiei's fingers itch to punch at a keyboard -or the other's face. He could feel inspiration forming, an idea being born in his mind that mingled with a slowly burning desire to face that challenge head-on. He hadn't been in a fight in years, had never even wanted to fight. And yet something about the look in the other man's eyes brought long forgotten feelings back to the surface. He had seen that look many times in the past, but no one wore it quite as well as this man in front of him.

"No, Hiei, he's not my grandson. Unfortunately, this slacker is my apprentice as of four years ago."

"The name's Yusuke Urameshi. Nice to meet ya, Hiei."

Hiei studied the boy with new interest. Genkai had never accepted an apprentice before. All the men and women who had come to her temple to learn her secrets had left in despair. She had always said that only someone with special qualities could learn her techniques. She had never gone into detail as to what those qualities were, so everyone assumed they had to be something spectacular. As he looked the boy over, Hiei had to question what special qualities the young man could have other than being a nuisance.

"You have my deepest sympathies," he told Genkai, ignoring Yusuke's greeting. "Four years ago? I haven't seen him around here."

"You wouldn't have; he passed my tests when he was still in high school. He had to graduate first and learn a real trade before he could train with me. And you tend to disappear frequently."

 _That explains why he looks so young,_ Hiei thought. _If he graduated four years ago, then he's what…twenty-three?_

"Like I even wanted to train with some crazy old bat," Yusuke grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away, much like a pouting child. "I was tricked into this."

"Yes, well, now we're stuck with each other, so get used to it."

Hiei looked from one to the other in vague amusement. "I get the feeling no one will be seeking peace and quiet at the temple anytime soon."

"Not with all the whining this one does."

"Hey, Grandma, I'm standing right here you know! I told you, I was tricked; I didn't want this!" Despite his words, the look Yusuke threw Genkai wasn't truly angry. Beneath the narrowed eyes and bared teeth, amusement and affection danced together. No matter how roughly Yusuke spoke, he cared about Genkai in his own way. The expression was one Hiei was intimately familiar with. A pang shot through his heart as he remembered the person who used to give those same looks to him, and he looked away.

He must have moved too quickly because soon he felt Yusuke's eyes studying him. He knew it was Yusuke since Genkai had enough tact and respect to mind her own business. When Hiei glanced to the side, he could tell the way Yusuke was looking at him was similar to the way Hiei had looked at him before. Not judging, but analyzing. He looked away again, but he could still feel the gaze on him even as he pretended to study the snow beginning to fall from the sky. He shivered from more than just the cold. And then pretending became real as he realized that it was snowing where before it hadn't been. It was made of large, heavy snowflakes that lasted longer on his sleeve. If it kept falling like this, they would all be snowmen in minutes if they remained standing still. He abruptly turned his attention back to his temporary companions.

"I need to get back to work, and get these," he held up the grocery bags, "put away."

"And I need to take this," Genkai hitched a thumb at her apprentice once more, "back home."

"HEY!"

Hiei smirked, and nodded once to Genkai. "Try not to send this one to the hospital anytime soon; Yukina's mentioned being overworked."

"I can't promise anything."

"I'd wish you luck, Yusuke Urameshi," Hiei told him. "But I'm pretty sure you don't have any."

"Nice to meet you too, Shorty," Yusuke threw back. "Try not to get buried in a snowdrift." He grinned widely when Hiei glared at him.

Hiei didn't speak as he left the pair. He did, however, reach into his bag and pull out one of the apples he had bought. In a fit of irritation (and perhaps curiosity), he quickly turned and threw one at the back of Yusuke's head as hard as he could. The apple flew, barely missing the people moving around them to walk.

However, before it could connect with its target, Yusuke's head moved to the side and he caught the fruit in his hand. He looked over his shoulder, smirk still firmly in place, and winked. "Thanks for the snack…Hiei."

Hiei watched as Yusuke and Genkai walked away. He began the walk back to his own home, haunted by the fire that had burned brighter in Yusuke's eyes when he caught the apple. He hoped that he didn't run into Yusuke anytime soon; he didn't want to be the one causing Yukina to have more work.

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 **Please leave a review if you enjoyed! Constructive criticism is always welcome :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed chapter one! I'm really enjoying writing this one, and I can't wait to see how it changes from my original, 10-year-old story (which was cheesy and BAD). I should probably apologize for this chapter title, but...eh, whatever.

For anyone that also uses AO3, I am posting my fic on there as well. So if you see it while wandering, don't be surprised.

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 **Ch. 2: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas**

 _It's him._

Those words had played out in Yusuke's mind on repeat from the moment he and Genkai had parted from Hiei in the street. Even now, three days later, Yusuke couldn't deny the excitement that he had felt from seeing the man. At first, Yusuke had been unable to recognize him. It _had_ been four years, after all, and they had only spoken for a few moments. But those moments had meant enough to Yusuke that he hadn't forgotten them entirely. But he only remembered them after Hiei had left; and clearly Hiei had no idea who Yusuke was.

Currently, Yusuke was hiding out in town again in a desperate attempt to hide from Genkai's nightmarish training regimen. He had been up before even the birds, meditating in the freezing cold and sparring for hours in Genkai's dojo. Yusuke had to hand it to her; she might have been old enough to be his grandmother, but she was more spry, swift, and flexible than anyone his age that he'd met. But Yusuke was lazy by nature, and a natural-born fighter. He didn't want to pick a style because _lacking_ one was his. And fighting had always come so naturally to him that learning now just seemed strange.

Besides, the town was getting ready for the annual festival. Every year the village held a festival celebrating winter. Food stalls were raised, an ice rink was set up, and all sorts of games and activities were held. Local craftsmen showed off their wares for both locals and tourists to browse and enjoy. There were even chances for festival-goers to try their hand at the displayed crafts. But everything culminated in a fireworks show that lit up the night. Yusuke had come every year, and he always left impressed.

Right now the town was in the middle of the preparation process. As he strolled through the streets, Yusuke could see volunteers hanging lanterns and fairy lights, as well as some who were attempting to keep the sidewalks as clear as possible. In a few days everything would be ready, and the weekend festival would begin. For what felt like the first time in months, Yusuke allowed his shoulders to droop and relax. He was a city boy born and bred, but there were times when he felt more comfortable in this hidden village than he had ever felt back in Tokyo.

"Hey, Urameshi!"

Yusuke choked as a strong arm was wrapped around his neck and he was jerked into a headlock. His carefully gelled hair was ruined by a gloved fist digging into it. Annoyance surging, Yusuke pushed out of the hold and grabbed the front of the offender's shirt. It was quite a reach, because Kuwabara towered over pretty much everyone. The two had known each other since middle school. They had both lived in Tokyo and had attended the same school. But that didn't mean they were friends.

In the beginning, it was a one-sided rivalry. Kuwabara couldn't stand how much stronger than him Yusuke was, and he had challenged Yusuke to a fight every day that he wasn't in the hospital. At first, it annoyed Yusuke. Then one day he noticed that their fights were lasting longer. All those times he was getting beaten into the pavement by Yusuke, Kuwabara had been learning. After a while, Yusuke found he had a grudging respect for the taller boy. He still wouldn't call Kuwabara his friend out loud (and the feeling was mutual) but they knew that's what they were. No matter how it looked to other people.

"Oh, I didn't know you had a hospital appointment today Kuwabara," he said, falsely cheerful. "Let me help you get there!"

"Whoa! Who got your undies in a twist?" Kuwabara grabbed Yusuke's wrist and forced him to look into Kuwabara's eyes because of his taller height. "If you wanna rumble, I'm ready when you are!"

The two young men glared into each other's eyes, and Yusuke almost pulled his arm back to give the first punch. But then he smirked and moved forward, putting all of his weight onto Kuwabara, who fell backwards into a recently shoveled pile of snow because he had been unprepared for it. Both of them tumbled down.

"The hell Urameshi?!"

Yusuke laughed and rolled off the other man, standing up and brushing snow off his clothes. Unlike Kuwabara (who now looked like a walking snowman) Yusuke had barely gotten touched.

"Looks like you're going to miss your appointment."

"Why you little-!"

"Hey, I just don't want to make your girlfriend even busier. I heard she's been overworked lately." He watched as Kuwabara tried to dust himself off, snickering because it really wasn't working very well. His coat was made of wool and made the stubborn icy flakes stick more than usual.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Kuwabara asked. "Aren't you supposed to be training with Genkai?"

Yusuke shrugged and slid his hands into his pockets. "I'm takin' a break."

"I'll be sure to visit you at your funeral."

The two friends started walking together down the street. Kuwabara, the more likeable of the two, would wave to people every now and then when a greeting was thrown his way. Sometimes Yusuke envied how easily Kuwabara seemed to get along with everyone. People trusted him way more than they ever trusted Yusuke, and they did so much more quickly. Then again, for all Kuwabara was a delinquent, he also had a much kinder nature than Yusuke.

"How's the training going anyway?" Kuwabara asked. "Learning anything new?"

"I guess," Yusuke replied with a shrug. "Right now it's just a lot of meditation and drills. That old hag's got me practicing the same punches and blocks until I'm about dead from boredom."

"Well, she _is_ a master, so she knows what she's doin'."

"Please. The only thing she's a 'master' of is working someone to death. Between those drills and waking up before the damn sun, I'm gonna be seeing Yukina myself soon enough!"

"Quit your bellyaching. Do you _know_ how many people would kill to be in your shoes?"

"Yeah; I have to chase them off just about every month. And believe me, if Grandma would let me, I'd switch with one of _them_ in a heartbeat."

"If you say so, man."

Yusuke was about to ask Kuwabara what he meant, but his attention was drawn to a couple walking farther down on the opposite side of the street. He recognized the mint-colored locks of Kuwabara's girlfriend, Yukina, easily. The petite young girl looked picturesque in the winter wonderland around them. And next to her, hiding as much of himself in what had to be a cocoon, was Hiei. A white scarf hid most of the man's face, but Yusuke could easily recognize the combination of gravity-defying spikes of hair and a diminutive stature. He stopped to watch them, noting that they were walking closely and even holding hands.

"Hey Kuwabara! Hate to break it to ya, but I think you're about to get dumped."

"Huh?" Kuwabara, who had already gone farther ahead, stopped and looked behind at Yusuke. Yusuke pointed to Yukina and Hiei. Kuwabara looked at the pair and started laughing. "Nah, I ain't got nothing to worry about."

"How do you figure?"

"Well it'd be weird for Yukina to date her own brother."

" _Brother_?"

"Yeah, man. That's Yukina's twin, Hiei."

Yukina and Hiei made it parallel to the two men on the other side of the road. Yukina smiled and waved at Kuwabara, who was grinning and waving like an idiot, but didn't stop walking. Hiei barely spared them a glance.

"I didn't know Yukina had a brother," Yusuke commented as he watched the siblings walk away. He only faced Kuwabara again when he had almost turned all the way around.

"Well you were gone for a while, and every time you _were_ here, he was on a visit to the city."

"The city?"

"Yeah. He's a writer, and he's gotta go to the city for meetings and stuff. He always comes back around this time though."

"I'm surprised you just let them walk away without talking to them. You usually pounce on Yukina whenever you see her." Yusuke was surprised by the dark look that appeared on his friend's face.

"Yeah, well, I tried in the beginning 'cause you know, be nice to the family and all. But to be honest, I just can't stand that little shrimp. There's just something about him that I don't like."

It was strange to hear Kuwabara talk like that. He was a very outgoing and friendly person, and he managed to get along with almost everyone he met with very few exceptions. Yusuke couldn't help but wonder how Hiei had managed to make it onto that very small list.

"And that stops you from saying hi to her?" Kuwabara shrugged gruffly and started walking again, with Yusuke following.

"We have an agreement," Kuwabara said. "He won't interrupt our couple time, and I won't interrupt their brother-sister time. Yukina hates it because she wants us all to get along, but…well, this is probably the best way to keep the peace."

"Uh-huh. Right. You sure you're not just trying to score brownie points?" He laughed and side-stepped the half-hearted punch aimed at him.

"Dude, meet him and you'll agree with me."

"I have met him," Yusuke said, and shrugged his shoulders. "He wasn't really that bad. Maybe a little prickly, but nothin' I couldn't handle." He didn't mention that Hiei was cute when he glared, or the way his own pulse had sped up when Hiei had tried murder him with his eyes. He didn't think Kuwabara (or he himself) could deal with that right now.

"Yeah, well, you got a few screws loose so I'm not sure your opinion counts." A frown appeared on Kuwabara's face, and he shook his head. "I do feel bad for him though. Can't hate him too much for actin' that way, not after what happened."

Yusuke looked up, curious. "Oh? What was it?"

Kuwabara looked uncomfortable. "You know I don't like gossip or rumors, but since you'll hear it anyway…." He looked around, and then gestured to a small alley nearby. Yusuke knew from his own wanderings that this would take them to a small lake. A walking path ran around the lake, and a bridge led to a small island that was home to a solitary gazebo. Legend had it that if a couple confessed their love to one another on the island, then it would last forever. Kuwabara didn't go to the gazebo; he chose to remain on the path. "Sorry man, but I want some privacy for this. Much as I don't like Hiei, I don't want him to be the source of gossip anymore than he already is."

"Oka~ay," Yusuke drawled. "So what is it?"

"He had a boyfriend. Or lover, partner, whatever you want to call him."

It was amazing how much strength it took for Yusuke to keep on walking. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. They met about three or four years ago. His name was Shuichi; he was pretty well-known here. Real smarty-pants, went to Tokyo University and everything. He was a doctor at the hospital where Yukina works. He and Hiei met and…I dunno man, it just seemed like they were made for each other. Hiei doesn't really show emotions, but he always seemed so happy around Shuichi. Hell, Shuichi even managed to calm him down enough to go to dinner with Yukina _and_ me."

Yusuke's hands had clenched into pockets without him realizing, and his teeth were grinding into each other. He carefully trained his eyes ahead of him, falling into the breathing pattern he used during meditation. He was so good at it now he didn't even have to count. "So what happened?"

"Last year Hiei had to take a trip to the city, and Shuichi went with him. They were crossing a street, and some jackass wasn't looking when he was driving, and well….Shuichi didn't make it. He died that night in the hospital. It damn near broke Hiei. I don't know the full details on how he was, but I know Yukina cried herself to sleep because she was so scared for him." Kuwabara looked at Yusuke and gave him a glare that would have made the subject of their talk proud. "Look Urameshi, I'm only telling you this because you'll hear it anyway. But don't be an idiot, okay?"

Yusuke almost didn't hear him. White noise echoed in his ears as Kuwabara's story repeated itself over and over in his mind. An old sadness ached inside Yusuke, and sympathy welled up inside him.

 _That's why,_ he thought as he turned to look at the gazebo without really seeing it. _That's why he doesn't remember_.

"Hey, Urameshi! You hear me?"

"Yeah, Kuwabara," Yusuke answered dully. He caught the concern that flickered in Kuwabara's eyes, and he forced himself to give what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Dude, come on. I got it; I won't be an idiot. After all, I should know how that feels at least a little bit, right?"

Eventually they turned back to go back to the village, and they fell back into their bickering routine. Yet no matter how many jokes he cracked or grins he gave, Yusuke couldn't deny that he felt as though something inside him had died. And the entire way back up the mountain to Genkai's temple, the same words repeated in his mind:

 _That's why._

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 _If you enjoyed, please remember to leave me a review!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry for taking so long to update this. I meant to be more frequent, but then life happened and work happened. Fun times. But here it is, chapter three! I hope everyone enjoys a little Christmas cheer about 7 months ahead of schedule~! And if you've never heard the song "Every Time it Snows" by Olivia Newton-John, you totally should.

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 **Ch. 3: Every Time it Snows**

The line was mocking him. It continued to blink, disappearing only to reappear on the pristine white document. Words used to occupy some of the space, but Hiei had deleted them as ruthlessly as the ones he had written during the past ten attempts. He'd been sitting at his computer for hours attempting to make a start on the new manuscript his editor was beginning to panic over. The first chapter was due for submission soon, as a pitch to the publisher, and while Hiei had promised weeks ago it would be finished…

He had nothing.

It wasn't for lack of trying; the gods knew Hiei was devoting most of his time to the project. But no matter how long he sat there, the right words wouldn't come. He gave a frustrated sigh as he resisted the urge to slam his hands on the keyboard. It might make him feel better, but it wouldn't help. His temple throbbed. He stood, and with a last disgusted glance at the computer, headed for the kitchen. At this rate he was going to have to buy more pain medicine by next week. Eating would help the headache. He'd gladly devour a horse right now, but the food he had already ordered wasn't here yet.

He was just pouring water into a glass when his cell phone started to ring. He recognized the ringtone, and thanked all the gods it wasn't his editor. The man had already called once today, and Hiei's patience was wearing thin. He quickly screwed the cap back onto the water bottle and returned it to the fridge, picked up his glass, and went to the living room. His phone lay on the table. It stopped ringing as soon as he picked it up, but he simply unlocked the screen and returned the call.

" _Is this a bad time?"_

Yukina's voice was balm for his nerves, and Hiei sank gratefully into his couch. She had always had a way of calming him down without even realizing it. Her gentle, reassuring nature was a stark contrast to his own cold and harsh one.

"No," Hiei replied, taking a small sip of water. "I was just taking a break."

" _How is the new book coming along?"_

"It's going so well that my editor only threatened to take his own life three times when he called me today."

Yukina giggled, and Hiei's own lips twitched. It was hard to feel sorry for his editor when the man was prone to dramatics even when things were going well.

" _He should have more faith. You're a wonderful writer; you'll find the story soon."_

Hiei's brows rose; _he_ wasn't so sure about that. But he wasn't going to question his sister's faith in him. Right now, it seemed she was the only one who still had some.

"So, did you have a special reason for calling?" The hesitation that followed made him close his eyes, because he had a very good idea of what was coming.

" _Well, I wanted to see if you would come to dinner with Kazuma and me tomorrow night."_

"Yukina…"

" _Please Hiei? It's been a while since we've all had a dinner together, and I know you haven't socialized much recently…"_ In a quieter voice, she added, _"It would be nice to have all of us together like a family. The way it used to be. Before."_

Before that trip to Tokyo.

Before the accident.

Before Kurama died.

Hiei put his glass down on the table before he threw it across the room. He knew his sister meant well. He knew she was worried about him and was just trying to help. But he was so tired of people trying to _fix_ him. If it wasn't an old lady in the shopping mart trying to tell him she knew a great woman to introduce him to, it was Yukina or one of his few friends telling him Kurama wouldn't want him to stay sad forever.

"Sorry, Yukina, I can't. I have to get this chapter to my editor soon, or he really _will_ kill himself."

" _Hiei-"_

"I'll talk to you later. Bye."

He quickly hung up and dropped the phone beside him. Anger and guilt coursed through him, and he wasn't sure which was stronger. He'd apologize to her later, when he was calm again. Hiei continued to sit there, eyes closed and his head leaned back to rest on the cushions behind him. Little by little his body relaxed, and his breathing slowed again. He just felt so _tired_.

 _DING DONG. DING DONG. DING DONG._

The doorbell was even more obnoxious than his cellphone. He considered ignoring it and going back to sleep, but then he remembered the food he'd ordered.

"Took them long enough," he grumbled. He stood up, his stomach tightening with the hunger he had temporarily forgotten. He unlocked and opened the front door and was greeted with dancing brown eyes and a mischievous grin.

"Delivery for Hiei Jaganshi."

"This has to be Hell." Hiei stared at Yusuke in disbelief. There was no way the universe could be that cruel. And yet here he was, dressed in jeans and the delivery jacket of Hiei's favorite fried chicken restaurant.

"Ah come on, that's not nice!" Yusuke cried, although the grin didn't disappear. "I risk my life in this snow, just to bring you some delicious food, and this is how you thank me? I'm hurt." The grin changed into a smile. "Sorry it took so long to get here; it started snowing again on the way, and it was either slow down or kill myself _and_ your meal."

The wind seeped inside the door and Hiei, obviously not dressed for the weather, shivered. "Whatever. Come inside, I need to get my wallet." He took the bag of chicken from the boy and backed into his house, watching as Yusuke toed off his shoes. They were close for a moment, and Hiei was once again reminded of the irritating difference in height. So he abruptly turned and led the way to the living room, dropping the bag on the table by his water glass.

"Wait here," he said. "I'll be right back."

"Take your time," Yusuke said as he unzipped his jacket. "You were my last delivery, and Mr. Yamaguchi knows how bad the roads are right now."

Hiei raised a brow and turned to look out the window. The curtains were wide open, and there was nothing to block his view of the thick snowflakes that fell in waves outside. "Ah." He nodded to Yusuke, then went into his room to collect his wallet. He could have paid by card, but Kurama had gotten him into the habit of paying in cash so he could also give the delivery person a little extra. It wasn't necessary in Japan, but Kurama had lived abroad for years and he had appreciated the idea of giving someone a little extra for their effort. The town's delivery people had learned quickly not to argue with him.

As usual, the memory sent a sharp pain through Hiei's heart even as a small smile formed on his lip. The memories were painful, but they were also a source of comfort. Kurama had truly been one of a kind, if he had even made this a lasting habit for Hiei.

He finally found his wallet buried under the three coats and scarf he had piled on a chair. He picked it up and returned to the living room, ready to pay Yusuke so he could be alone again. When he walked in, he found that the other male had moved from his original position. He stood in front of a shelving unit curiously examining the items inside. He was definitely a strange one. Most of the others who had delivered food here, even those who were familiar with how Hiei (and formerly Kurama) handled payment, would have done one of two things: either remain outside in the freezing snow, or stand as stiff as a board as close to the door as possible.

But here Yusuke was, relaxed and completely at ease, as though he were a regular visitor. He'd already shed his thick coat, revealing a green sweater underneath. The coat was draped over his arm. His hair was slicked back with gel once more, although a few strands were rebelling and falling loose.

"I thought you were Genkai's apprentice," Hiei stated as he entered the room fully. He had been observing the other man for far too long. Interestingly, even though Hiei knew he hadn't made a sound when walking back, Yusuke didn't jump. He just naturally and casually turned around. "What are you doing delivering food?"

"Gotta make a living somehow," Yusuke replied with a shrug. "The old hag might give me room and board, but she doesn't pay me. And a guy's gotta eat, you know?" Hiei watched as Yusuke used the hand of his free arm to scratch at his cheek. "So some nights I deliver food for Mr. Yamaguchi, and on other days I help out Chu at his garage."

"A jack of all trades then," Hiei commented, impressed despite himself. From all he had seen and heard of Yusuke, he'd thought the other man would have been a complete slacker. But he knew that neither Chu (who was the best mechanic in town) nor Mr. Yamaguchi would allow anyone who didn't take the job seriously to work for them.

"Nah, just trying to get by." Yusuke hitched a thumb behind him. "Sweet blade you got there." He was referring to the katana that Hiei kept under lock and key. It was his most prized possession, and worth more than he had made on his last book.

"It was a gift," Hiei replied. "One I'm still trying to deserve." He wouldn't go into the history with someone he didn't know, but Yusuke didn't seem to mind. He just nodded.

"Lots of awards too. You practiced kendo?"

"Yes, a long time ago."

"You still keep it up though." A statement, not a question. Hiei looked sharply at Yusuke and crossed his arms across his chest.

"When I have time." After a moment he added, "How did you know?"

"Someone out of practice wouldn't be able to walk _that_ quietly. Or have that much balance. Actually, they wouldn't have those muscles either." He laughed as Hiei blinked. "Come on, give me some credit. I've been fighting my whole life, _and_ I've been training with Genkai off and on for four years. I'd have to be an idiot not to notice someone else's skills."

 _I'm pretty sure muscles don't count as skills,_ Hiei thought, vaguely amused. Out loud he said, "So you've always been fighting?" The words caused another chuckle and a grin.

"Since I was a toddler, pretty much. Not professionally or athletically, though. Mostly out of survival. Didn't live in the greatest neighborhood, and there were tons of gangs around. It was either fight or get my ass kicked and all my shit stolen. So I fought."

"Street fighting then."

"Yeah. Didn't really care enough in school to join any of the clubs, and really, just doing all those drills would have made me go after my classmates. I was much more…excitable, back then."

Hiei made a sound that in someone else would have been a snort. He was pretty sure none of the adults in Yusuke's life would have used the term "excitable" to describe him. But if he had been fighting for that long, and in a bad part of town…. "So you were in a gang."

"Nope." Brown eyes flashed, and Hiei was caught by the fierceness in them. He couldn't look away.

 _That sweater suits him_ , Hiei thought distantly. _It brings out the gold in his eyes._ Goosebumps rose on his skin. His fingers twitched, desperate to hold a sword. Or curl into a fist.

"Gangs are nothin' but trouble," Yusuke continued as the light settled down to mere embers. Hiei could finally look away, and he did so to dig through his wallet for money. "And they're full of people even stupider than Kuwabara."

 _That_ made him look up. "You know Kuwabara?"

Yusuke gave another grin and shoved his hands into the pockets of his (very well-fitted) jeans. _The girls here are probably very happy,_ Hiei thought sardonically.

"Yeah, I know him. We went to the same middle school _and_ high school. And before you ask, yes, he's always been that stupid."

Hiei couldn't help but smirk.

"He's a good guy though. His grades were even lower than mine, if that was possible, but he always stood up for the people weaker than him. He loves fighting, but he hates bullies. Even back then, he'd roam around town and stand up to guys bigger than him if he thought they were doing something wrong." Yusuke tilted his head to the side and looked curiously at Hiei. "He's dating your sister, right? Yukina."

"I see the town gossips have struck again," Hiei growled. He saw the other man's eyes widen a bit and then grow darker. It was a different kind of expression from the one before, and it made Hiei's body grow hot. He couldn't place this expression, but again he felt his body trying to prepare for a fight.

"Gossiping is for old hags like Genkai, or little girls. No, Kuwabara told me. I saw you two together the other day, and I joked that she was going to break up with him." Yusuke looked behind himself at the shelving unit again as Hiei tried to decide if he was irritated or amused that the other had assumed he was dating Yukina. When he met Yusuke's eyes again, there was a gentle understanding in them, and for the first time the boy seemed uncertain. "He also told me about…well, about your partner. Shuichi." He indicated the unit. "Is that him?"

It wasn't hard to guess what Yusuke had seen. Thrown in among all the kendo awards and his prized katana were photographs that held special meaning to Hiei. There could only be one that prompted Yusuke to ask _that_ question. Tension making his body rigid, Hiei walked to the unit, making sure his back was never turned to the other man. The picture had a shelf all by itself. Kurama and Hiei were in the park, underneath an old maple tree. Kurama sat with his slender legs stretched out in front of him, his vivid red hair pulled into a high ponytail. He wore a white shirt that brought out the green of his eyes. Hiei himself was lying on the ground with his head resting on Kurama's thighs, his body perpendicular to his lover's. His eyes were closed, most likely because Kurama's hands were carding through his hair. There was no mistaking the air of contentment surrounding the both of them.

"I don't see that it's any of your business," Hiei said softly. Coldly. "And he had no right to speak of it."

"You're right." Again, Yusuke looked uncomfortable. But he didn't run screaming or cower from the anger in Hiei's expression. "He had no right. But he said he would rather me get the story from someone who knew what happened, rather than let the gossip ring talk about it." The crooked smile he gave was small and sad. "It's not a good excuse, I know; but don't blame him. I'm the one that asked about you." Yusuke turned his gaze to the picture. "He was beautiful."

Hiei's hand was clenched so hard his nails attempted to pierce the notes in his hand. Yes, Kurama had been beautiful. He had also been kind, intelligent, and ruthless. He had been the only one to stand up to Hiei's fits of anger and the only one who could put them out as easily as water on fire. He had accepted all of Hiei without trying to change him.

"I'm sorry," Yusuke said softly, "that he's gone. I know you're probably tired of hearing that." He sighed, and from his peripheral vision Hiei saw him run a hand through his hair. Doubtless more strands had just come loose from whatever gel he used. "It hurts when they're gone, and then everyone makes it worse by talking about it and telling you how sorry they are, and then they want you to get over it as fast as you can."

 _He knows_ , Hiei thought, his hand relaxing a bit. _He knows what it feels like. No one else would put it that way. Even Yukina keeps hinting it's time to move on._ "I take it you're speaking from experience?" Hiei questioned. He could finally risk looking at Yusuke again, and yes, there was definitely sorrow in his expression. The small lift in his lips was sad, not happy, and the light in his eyes had dimmed a bit. Hiei immediately wanted to bring it back.

"My mom," Yusuke replied. "It's the reason it took me so long to start my official training with the old hag. Ma didn't have the best habits, and they finally caught up to her. Cancer," he clarified when he heard the questioning sound Hiei made. "Between the family history and her never-ending supply of booze and cigarettes…well, it wasn't surprising. I stayed home and took care of her as best I could. Made damn sure I graduated from trade school before it was over." Yusuke gestured to the chair, and when Hiei nodded he sat down. Hiei sat on the couch.

"She passed away two years ago," Yusuke continued. "About a month after I got my certification. We didn't have the best relationship, but she did her best to raise a screw-up like me. It hurt like hell. Took me months to finally clear out the apartment, and even longer to officially move out. I could barely afford the rent, but I just couldn't leave yet. Not when I saw her everywhere. Every time I came home, I thought for sure she'd be there asking me to get her a drink or pick her up a new pack."

 _So much pain,_ Hiei thought as he watched Yusuke close his eyes. The other man was leaned forward with his arms resting on his knees. His posture lacked the confidence of ten minutes ago. This was a young man who had been broken and forced to pick up the pieces. It was the same thing Hiei saw in himself when he looked in the mirror. His throat felt tight. It was rare for him to feel sympathy for anyone but himself or Yukina, but something about Yusuke made him care. Without even thinking about it he reached over and gave his shoulder a brief touch. He was rewarded with a side glance and a slightly warmer smile.

"After about two months, people started telling me I needed to move on. Even Keiko, my oldest friend, would say, 'Atsuko wouldn't want you to keep going like this.' Hell, maybe she was even right. But I wasn't ready to move on. Eventually I just started telling everyone to fuck off if they were going to harp at me. Took a while, but they eventually got the hint. And now here I am."

" _Did_ you move on?" Hiei asked quietly. He could admit, if only to himself, that sometimes it felt like he'd never move on. That he would never be ready.

"Not really," Yusuke replied with a brittle laugh. "Every time I smell cigarettes or alcohol, I hear her asking me to grab her one. Every time I'm about to do something stupid, I hear her telling me to be better than her. Hell, every time I chase someone from the temple I swear I'm channeling her ghost because gods know I sound just like her."

Their eyes met. Yusuke's expression was still sad, but it held a warmth that reached out and wrapped around Hiei's heart. This wasn't an irritated young man who had just left childhood behind; this was someone who had seen some of the worst that life had to offer, carried the burden of grief, and had shouldered on until he found his path. It was almost like meeting a kindred spirit.

"I don't think people ever 'move on'," Yusuke said softly. "Not in the way other people mean. When you lose someone, they're still there; they're still part of you. We just learn how to live with it, and how not to hurt so much." Just as hesitantly as Hiei had, Yusuke reached out and touched his fingers to Hiei's wrist. They were warm, but they felt like iron brands on Hiei's skin. The feeling remained long after the other man pulled them back. "You're never going to forget him; it's okay not to. You just gotta learn how to _live_ with what he's left you."

"Thanks for the permission," Hiei stated dryly. He looked back at the shelf where the picture was, and then back at Yusuke. "Maybe Genkai did know what she was doing, after all." Yusuke grinned.

A buzz made both of them jump. Yusuke reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an old and battered phone.

"Shit!" he cursed as he rose to his feet. "I need to get going or Mr. Yamaguchi's gonna have my head!" He struggled into his jacket as Hiei smirked. Both of them checked the window. "Thank god the snow's not as bad; I'll be able to get back okay." He smiled at Hiei, and again Hiei felt the warmth wrap around him. "Sorry for unloading all of that on ya; and thanks for not kicking me to the curb." He glanced at the money that remained in Hiei's hand. "Your dinner's probably cold, so it's on me this time." Hiei opened his mouth to argue, and Yusuke just shoved his hands in his pockets and backed away. "Nope. Serious. I'll pay it; don't have much else to do with my money anyway."

"Will you just take the money?" Hiei said with a scowl. "I'm not looking for a handout." He followed Yusuke to the door, refusing to move as he pulled his shoes back on.

"And I'm not giving you one," Yusuke retorted. There was mischief in his eyes as he stood up straight. "You can just buy _me_ dinner next time." He laughed at the expression on Hiei's face. "See ya later, Hiei!" He was out the door and halfway to the car before Hiei could even think of a response.

Hiei watched him leave, unsure of how or what he felt. There was a warmth inside him that even the cold wind coming through his front door couldn't put out.

"'Live,' huh?" he said. He went back inside, closing the door behind him. As he passed the picture, he paused to look again at Kurama's smiling face. It still hurt; it always would. But he knew the pain wasn't as bad as it had been one year ago, or even just three months ago.

 _He's right,_ Hiei thought. _I'll never 'move on.' And I don't have to. But maybe…maybe there_ is _something I should do. Things I left for too long._ He picked up his cellphone and paused for only a moment before dialing a number. As he waited, he noticed something on the chair.

Yusuke had left his cellphone behind.

"Idiot," he said with a smirk.

" _What'd you call me Shrimp?!"_

"Oh, the fool. Isn't this Yukina's phone?" He rolled his eyes as Kuwabara began his usual tirade of insults. "Look, I don't have time for this. Just tell her that I'll be coming to dinner tomorrow, alright?"

He didn't have to move on. But he _did_ have to move.

* * *

 _If you enjoyed this, please remember to leave me a review!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:**

First of all: I'm sorry for the delay. I've been working on this chapter since around April, but I've been so busy at my job I haven't had the time or energy to work on it. But now, 'tis finished! ...Just in time for Halloween. Oops.

Second: So many of you have left me some beautiful, wonderful comments and I just want to say a HUGE thank you. I really appreciate the time you took to be open with your opinions and your stories. I hope this chapter lives up to expectations!

Third: finally decided this story will only be 6 chapters, so there are only two more left! I won't promise to have them finished by the end of the year, but I will try my hardest.

Third: If you want your heart to break a bit, listen to the lyrics of the song this chapter is named after. You'll understand why I chose it.

* * *

 **Ch. 4: I Wish You Love**

"What the hell is wrong with you? I've seen goldfish with more focus!"

Yusuke scowled and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Genkai had just sent him flying across the dojo with a well-placed kick. It'd been weeks since that happened. In the four months since Yusuke was able to officially begin his training, he'd managed to block eight out of ten of the attacks she was currently drilling him on. This move he'd managed to block every single time -until today.

 _And I know why_ , he thought. He winced as he stood up. His stomach hurt where she had kicked him. Out loud he said, "Oh shut up, ya old hag." Her flashing eyes were Yusuke's only warning. He managed to block her punch and the first kick; it was the second one that slammed him into the wall. "Dammit!" he cried as he saw stars. "Are you crazy?!"

"Pathetic," Genkai snapped. For a short old woman, she had as much presence and power as a bodybuilder forty years her younger. "Where is your head today? Usually you show at least _some_ potential, but today you're acting like a beginner!"

"Give me a break," Yusuke said. "I'm just distracted alright?""

"Obviously." She stared at him while he rubbed his head. Her critical eyes took everything in. They'd been at it for three hours, and while normally Yusuke could take it, he was too exhausted. He hadn't been able to sleep last night; he'd been too busy thinking about Hiei, and whether someone could die from embarrassment.

 _And then there's him. Shuichi._

He gave a start when Genkai sighed. "Clearly you aren't going to get anything done here today, so go find something useful to do." She looked at him more sharply. "But you'd better be ready to train tomorrow, Slacker. If you're not, then you'll be exercising until you puke." It wasn't an empty threat. Yusuke had seen her put a high school vandal through his paces until the boy couldn't even stand. He'd been sent to the hospital as a precaution.

He felt a twinge of guilt as he watched Genkai walk away. Gruff as she was, she really did try to teach him. She wouldn't bother training him if she thought he couldn't handle it. She believed he could do this, one of the few people to do so, and here he was proving her wrong. For all his bellyaching about being tricked into this, he actually enjoyed the training. Most of the time. It felt good to work his body to the breaking point and see it grow stronger over time. He just couldn't do it today.

He was alone in the dojo. With no one left to watch him, Yusuke slid down the wall to the ground, drawing up his knees and resting his arms on them. His head tilted back until it hit the wall, and he closed his eyes.

"I really am an idiot," he muttered. "I can never learn to keep my mouth shut." Yusuke was a talk first, think later kind of person and it always got him into trouble. Last night he had shown some of his poorest judgement yet. Honestly, he was surprised Hiei hadn't kicked his ass the minute he asked about Shuichi. But when he had seen that picture, he _couldn't_ keep his mouth shut.

Because he did know Shuichi. Not well; they'd never been friends or anything. But he'd seen the redhead around town a few times and had spoken with him. One instance in particular was at the forefront of Yusuke's mind.

It had been during Atsuko's sickness. Some weekends, when she was feeling better, Yusuke would travel to the village to see Genkai so she could beat the stress out of him. He'd met Shuichi at the temple one weekend when the doctor had come to see Genkai. The old woman had been sick, and Shuichi had been kind enough to go to the temple at the mountain's peak.

Shuichi had seen Yusuke viciously attacking one of the practice dummies. Yusuke hadn't even heard him when he'd come up behind him and had only realized someone was there when Shuichi had said, "She'll be okay. It's not serious. And she'll make _you_ my next patient if you keep this up." Yusuke had turned to rip the nosy doctor a new one, only to be met with deep green eyes that were warm and full of understanding, and a kind smile that covered an iron will.

Shuichi had taken him to dinner that night, forcibly dragging him despite all of Yusuke's protests. He'd paid for everything and spoke of nothing important. It was honestly the best thing anyone could have done for him. For one night, Yusuke had been able to forget his own troubles and worries. He'd been able to relax for the first time in weeks.

 _It's no wonder Hiei forgot about me, when he met someone like that_. Yusuke smiled sadly as he opened his eyes. It hadn't stopped him from flirting though. He groaned as he remembered his parting words.

" _You can buy me dinner next time."_

"My timing sucks," he muttered. He stood up and stretched his arms over his head. "I have to stop thinking about this." But there wasn't much Yusuke could do. Neither Chu nor Mr. Yamaguchi had given him work today, so those distractions were gone. And this morning had proven that he had no concentration for Genkai's training. But he _really_ needed a distraction. Or a punching bag.

He smirked. He knew just what to do. It'd been a while since he'd sparred with Kuwabara. The idiot wasn't up to Genkai's level, but he was stubborn and gave a decent fight because he just wouldn't give up. A good old-fashioned street fight is just what he needed.

His decision made, Yusuke started whistling and went to his room to change. The room was bare, as temple life dictated. The only furnishings were a futon, a small dresser for his clothes, a lamp, and a space heater. Of course, only he lived like this. Genkai was fitted up with all the gadgets in her rooms. But she thought Yusuke needed the discipline right now. The only "frivolous" thing he owned was his old cell phone. He searched his room for it now, so he could call and check if Kuwabara was home. He looked first beside the futon, where he normally kept it. His grin changed to a frown when he couldn't find it.

"Where the hell did I put it?" he demanded of the empty air. "I had it last night when –" Yusuke fell silent. He could feel his cheeks burn as embarrassment filled him. He'd had his phone last night at Hiei's. Most likely it was still there. Yusuke hardly used the damn thing, so of course he wouldn't know it was gone until now.

 _There's no way I can go back there right now,_ he thought desperately. Even though he would be thrilled to see Hiei again, he didn't think he could face the other man so soon. _I'll just use the landline. I'll figure out how to get my cell back later._ He tried hard not to think about it as he changed into clothes more suitable for both a visit and a fight: old jeans, a T-shirt, and a sweater overtop it all. He shrugged on his heaviest coat and padded to the office. He picked up the phone and dialed the only number he knew by heart.

"Hey man," he greeted when Kuwabara picked up. "You free today?"

"Yeah, it's my day off. Why?"

"How do you feel about sparring?" He could practically _hear_ Kuwabara's grin.

"Prepare to get your ass kicked, Urameshi!"

"Tell Yukina to get the first aid kit ready," he retorted and then hung up the phone, already anticipating the fight to come. Even if it was a sparring session, neither one of them would hold back. He'd be bruised and sore, but at least he'd be distracted.

It took him about an hour to get back into town. Genkai didn't own a car, and Yusuke didn't feel like getting one himself. He _was_ saving up for a motorcycle, but he wasn't even close to that yet. So instead Yusuke continued to hike up and down the mountain every time he wanted to go into town. Thank all the gods it wasn't the tallest mountain in the area; he'd be screwed. As he passed through the town, he looked over the decorations that continued to crop up. It seemed like all the fairy lights in town had been sold and strung up on every building. Lanterns hung from every available surface, combined with garlands and wreaths made of evergreen boughs and winter flowers.

Yukina's house, where Kuwabara (as her fiancé) lived, was also bedecked with the festival cheer. The path leading to her door was lined with soft white lights and small snowmen she had doubtlessly made herself. Her doorway was lined with beautiful red and white flowers. Delicate glass snowflakes hung from the sole tree that stood in the small yard, leafless and stunted. They made soft, beautiful sounds as they touched each other in the icy wind. A larger snow man guarded the gate that marked the entrance to the home. It was clumsily built, and the slightly sinister look it had told Yusuke that Kuwabara had built it.

It was four o'clock by the time Yusuke knocked on the door, and he was frozen from the wind that blew around him. He'd forgotten his gloves and hat at Genkai's, so he couldn't feel his fingers or ears very well. The door opened, and warmth rushed towards him.

"It's good to see you again, Yusuke," Yukina greeted him. Her red eyes, so like her brother's in color, were almost liquid in the warmth and kindness they held. Her lips were curled into a small smile. Her mint-colored hair was bound in the back with a bright red ribbon. She wore a long white dress with a red cardigan. She stepped to the side and allowed him to enter. He stomped his feet first, getting off more snow, and then moved inside. He toed his shoes off at the genkan.

"You too, Yukina," he finally replied. He sighed with relief as the door closed. "Damn it's cold out there."

"You city boys," she teased with a laugh. "You always forget the most important gear for a mountain winter. Last week, Kazuma even managed to forget his coat!"

"He's done that before," Yusuke admitted with a snicker.

"Like you haven't done anything stupid?" Kuwabara appeared behind Yukina. The height difference between the two was pretty laughable; but there was nothing humorous about the loving gazes they exchanged. Yusuke was happy for them, but he couldn't help feeling jealous; it would be nice to have someone who cared about him that much. There was a time, years ago, when he had thought he'd found it, but it had turned out to be something much tamer. And ever since then he'd been too busy to really get out and meet anyone else. He'd thought there had been a possibility, once, but…well that was now in the dust.

"Not as often as you," Yusuke told his friend. He walked up and lightly punched Kuwabara on the shoulder. "Good to see you."

"So, why'd you come here for a fight? Doesn't Genkai give you all the violence you can handle?" Yukina questioned as she led the way to the back door with Kuwabara behind her. There wasn't enough space in the house for anyone to do yoga, let alone have a sparring match. Luckily, there was a dojo in the back yard.

The house had been Genkai's years ago, when she was younger and had opened a school for martial arts training with a friend. After a few years, however, they had had irreconcilable differences and her friend had left. Genkai had run the school alone as best she could, but eventually she'd closed it down. She'd moved up to the temple after undergoing the necessary training and rituals to become its keeper. Genkai had allowed a young Yukina, who had refused to live with her family after she turned sixteen, to stay in the house if she kept it clean and fixed up. After nursing school, Yukina began paying rent until, two years ago, she and Kuwabara had used both of their funds to buy it together.

Yusuke shoved his hands in his pockets and followed his friends. "She decided to give me a break today," he told her. He wasn't going to tell her that Genkai had chosen to do so because he was too distracted thinking of Yukina's brother. That would be all kinds of awkward. "I started feeling restless up there, so I decided pounding Kuwabara into the floorboards sounded like a great idea."

"I wouldn't get so cocky if I was you, Urameshi," Kuwabara grumbled. "You're the one who's going to be part of the floorboards soon." Yukina giggled as Yusuke smirked.

"Whatever ya say, pal."

When they reached the back door, Yukina stepped back so Yusuke and Kuwabara could put on some slippers. "You have about an hour until dinner is ready, Kazuma. I'll come get you when it's time."

"Thanks Yukina," he replied with warmth. Yusuke had to look away again as the taller male grabbed Yukina's hand and gently kissed it.

"I'll make sure he can still move by then," Yusuke joked. He dodged Kuwabara's playful punch and opened the door, hissing at the cold wind that blew at him. There was a covered pathway that led to the dojo. He walked up it, grateful that Kuwabara used the space often enough that he kept the pathway clear of snow and ice. "Damn," he cursed, clutching his coat tighter around himself. "It's freezing!"

"I started the heaters after you called," Kuwabara said. "It should be warm enough inside that we won't turn to ice before we start the fight."

"Oh, so you _do_ use your brain sometimes."

"You're gonna get some extra punches just for that, ya punk."

"Promises, promises."

The two men all but ran inside when they made it to the dojo's entrance. The entryway was a small room with cubby holes on both walls, and a few hooks above them. Yusuke and Kuwabara shrugged out of their coats, hung them up, and then placed their slippers in the cubbies. Kuwabara slid open the shoji doors and entered the main room. Yusuke followed, and he felt his muscles begin to relax as the warmth from the kerosene heaters Kuwabara had set up hit him. The spacious room wasn't as warm as the house they just left, but it would do.

"Ready to get your ass kicked, Urameshi?" Kuwbara challenged. He had already removed his bulky sweater so that all he wore was jeans and a T-shirt. He made some practice punches in the air, and grinned. "I'm feelin' lucky today."

Yusuke couldn't help but return the grin. Already he felt a familiar energy burning within him, spreading from his core to the rest of his body. Like Kuwabara, Yusuke shed his heavy sweater to reveal a white T-shirt. This was the feeling that fighting Genkai never gave him. Excitement, anticipation. His adrenaline rising because he knew deep down that this would be a fight he'd enjoy. Kuwabara wasn't the most gifted fighter, but he never gave up and always gave as good as he got. Yusuke walked to stand opposite Kuwabara in the middle of the room. He tilted his head to either side and cracked his knuckles. Their eyes locked, and both of them moved into their respective stances.

"We'll see."

 **X X X**

"Kazuma, it's time for- oh my."

Two pairs of eyes turned to look at Yukina standing in the entryway to the practice room. Yusuke was sore, bruised, and tired, but he still felt satisfied. Kuwabara had fought as hard as he could and had given everything he had without holding back. Of course, that didn't change the facts: he was currently held tight by Yusuke, who had one arm around Kuwabara's throat and the other holding one of Kuwabara's arms twisted behind his back. It should have been an easy position for Kuwabara to break, since he was taller than Yusuke. But Yusuke had spent years fighting opponents taller than him, and he had also spent the last few months being trained (or tortured) by Genkai.

Yusuke grinned at Yukina and was about to say something when a dark shadow appeared at her side. A jolt ran through his body as Hiei looked at him. Their gazes caught and held, and there was no way in hell Yusuke was imagining the way Hiei's eyes seemed to come alive as he studied their position. His pulse began to race faster, and he swallowed to try and relieve a suddenly dry throat.

Kuwabara used the momentary distraction to wiggle the fingers of his free hand under Yusuke's arm and force it away from his throat. But before he could do more than lift it a bit, Yusuke released his holds and sent Kuwabara to his knees with a well-placed kick. His chest moved up and down rapidly with his breathing, and he could feel the sweat trickling down his face and neck. But all he cared about was the writer leaning in the doorway.

Hiei looked completely at home and relaxed, but when Yusuke looked at his eyes… He repressed a shudder. Suddenly it was way too hot in the dojo.

He became aware that Yukina was looking carefully between him and Hiei, and Yusuke cleared his throat. He stretched his arms over his head and groaned. "Ah, I feel better."

"So it's another win for Yusuke, then?" Yukina questioned. He grinned and gave her a thumbs-up as Kuwabara moved hastily to his feet.

"He just got lucky," the taller man grumbled, looking away. Yusuke patted his back in mock sympathy, snickering when his hand was batted away. Kuwabara looked at Yukina's companion and blinked. "Hiei? I thought you told Yukina you weren't comin'."

"He changed his mind," Yukina said, when it became obvious that Hiei wouldn't answer. She sent a small but bright smile her brother's way, and something in the man seemed to soften. He just nodded to his sister. "Yusuke, let me introduce you. This is my brother, Hiei."

"We've met," Yusuke told her. He grinned at the other man who just stared steadily back at him. "A few times, actually."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes," Hiei cut in. "He's the worse delivery man in town." He smirked, and Yusuke gave him a mock scowl.

"Hey, I risked my life to bring you that food!" He gave an obviously fake sniffle and turned away. "Some people are so ungrateful."

"You two are weird," Kuwabara stated as Yukina giggled. Yusuke flashed a grin and went to turn off the heater on the far side of the room. When he turned around again, Kuwabara had joined the other two at the door. He was carefully standing on the opposite side of Yukina, not crowding Hiei and giving him space. It was clear the two weren't close, but there was a measure of respect in how they were acting around each other.

"So," Yusuke said as he walked over. "Would you mind if I grabbed a quick shower before dinner? I don't want to ruin the meal by smelling bad."

"Of course not Yusuke," Yukina replied. "Kazuma needs to rinse off as well. Hiei and I will set the table, and you two can use the showers."

"You're a goddess, Yukina."

"Hey, no flirting Urameshi!"

"If I were flirting, lunkhead, she'd already be mine."

"Why you-!"

Yusuke stepped deftly to the side as Kuwabara ran at him. "Dude, come on, I just got finished giving you a beating. You really want another one _this_ soon?"

"No, he doesn't," Yukina said, and the gentle firmness in her voice made Kuwabara laugh sheepishly and hold his hands behind his back. "He wants to wash up and eat dinner. Don't you, Kazuma?"

"Yes dear," Kuwabara replied meekly. Meanwhile, Yusuke was shaking with the effort it took not to laugh. He wouldn't want Yukina mad at him either, but this was still hilarious. Watching the giant Kuwabara turn into a weak little kitten because of a tiny woman a little over half his size.

"Well, I'll see you guys in the dining room," he said. He glanced at Hiei once more. The shorter man was staring at him again, and yeah, he definitely wasn't imagining the heat he saw in those eyes. He swallowed. "Try not to kill Kuwabara, huh Hiei? I might need my punching bag later."

"I make no promises," Hiei replied in a disinterested voice that was a far cry from his eyes. Yusuke made his escape before he could embarrass himself (again), collecting his slippers from the entryway and going into the warm main house as fast as he could.

 **X X X**

Warm, clean, and hungry, Yusuke walked quietly through the house towards the dining area. The shower had given him a chance to collect himself before he had to be confronted with the reason for his terrible morning training. He remembered Hiei saying Yukina had invited him to dinner, but Yusuke also remembered him saying he wouldn't go. If Yusuke thought he could get away with it, he would have made an excuse and escaped back to the dojo. He so wasn't ready to face the man he'd disastrously flirted with last night. But Yukina was too damn aware and she would know immediately that he was lying. So he spent the majority of his shower convincing himself he would be fine and that the dinner would be over with quickly.

The dining room, like the rest of the house, was traditional Japanese-style. The floors were made of tatami mats, with the table low to the floor. Special cushioned chairs were set around it. Yukina, Hiei, and Kuwabara were already seated inside when Yusuke entered. To his despair, he found that the only open chair was right across from Hiei.

 _The gods hate me_ , he thought. Even so, he took a deep breath and pasted a (mostly) genuine bright smile onto his face. "Sorry about the wait, Yukina," he said as he entered the room. He was wearing a spare set of clothes he kept here for cases like today. Just an extra pair of jeans and a T-shirt. His hair, freshly washed, fell around his face however it pleased. His fingers itched to run some gel through it. He'd have to remember to bring an extra tub here one day.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. It gave me time to get everything set up." She smiled up at him. "Please, have a seat. I'm sure you're hungry."

"Starving," he admitted. He sat down, careful not to look at the man across from him. Instead, he looked at the food on the table. The biggest dish was the hot pot situated in the middle, steaming and filling the room with the most delicious scent. A bowl of rice was placed at each chair, and several side dishes were also situated around the hot pot. "This looks fantastic Yukina. If you ever get tired of Kuwabara, I'll be more than willing to be your next husband."

"What'd you say you punk?!" Kuwabara shouted. He started to rise up, but one look from Yukina brought him back down. Yusuke snickered, and he chanced a glance at Hiei. For just a second, he thought he saw a smirk. However, Hiei noticed him looking and it disappeared so fast Yusuke wasn't even sure if he saw it in the first place.

"Please enjoy your meal," Yukina said graciously. They all held their hands together in front of them and said, " _Itadakimasu"_ before digging into the meal. Yusuke used his chopsticks to pull some meat and vegetables from the pot and placed them on top of his rice. The flavors that filled his mouth made him moan in contentment. He felt an invisible weight on him, like the feeling of eyes staring, and he refused to look in the direction it was coming from.

"Kuwabara, you're one lucky man," Yusuke said. "This has to be the best thing I've eaten all week!" Yukina giggled, and Kuwabara grinned at her from across the table.

"Don't I know it," the taller man replied.

"You're easily pleased," Hiei told Yusuke.

It was difficult to look at him. All Yusuke could remember was the night before and his own embarrassing words and actions. Hiei didn't seem to be angry, though, or any form of upset. He appeared at ease and comfortable. When he spoke, it was as though nothing had really happened the night before.

"Dude, you try eating Grandma's temple food, and then tell me this doesn't taste like Heaven." Yusuke's willpower broke and he finally turned his eyes on Hiei.

"I wouldn't trust her not to poison it, so I'll have to decline that challenge," Hiei replied. He smirked and took a bite of his own food. Yusuke bit back his own response ("Coward"), knowing it wouldn't go down well, and continued to eat. A comfortable silence descended on the room as everyone ate. It was broken by the occasional small talk, but for the most part everyone concentrated on their food.

"I'm curious Hiei," Yukina said after a while. By this time, all the meat had disappeared from the pot and everyone was finishing what was left of their rice and vegetables. Yusuke's jeans were feeling tighter than before, and he was even warmer than after his shower. Hiei hadn't spoken much during the meal, but Yusuke could tell his presence was appreciated by Yukina. She sat right beside him, and every now and then she had given him a small touch and a smile that seemed to communicate more than words could. And Yusuke couldn't help but notice that Hiei would give the smallest gesture in reply. There had been one in particular that had made an impression: the ghost of a smile. It had flittered so rapidly over Hiei's face that Yusuke couldn't be sure it had been there. Still, Yusuke had turned his head away as though he had seen something too intimate for a stranger's eyes.

Hiei looked at Yukina and raised a brow. He had stopped eating several minutes ago, although he had definitely eaten his fair share of the meal. "What is it?"

"Why did you decide to come tonight? You didn't seem interested when I asked you yesterday, and then I got your phone call last night…" She trailed off and continued to look at him curiously. Yusuke did, too. He remembered how adamant Hiei had been about not going when they had talked about it. What could have made him change his mind? He seemed to be a stubborn bastard. Kuwabara continued to eat without a care.

If he hadn't been looking at Hiei, Yusuke never would have seen the way his gaze slid across the table in his direction. It was just a quick, cursory glance, but it was enough to have Yusuke flush. He flushed even deeper when he heard Hiei say, "I just decided it was time I keep living." He looked up and Hiei was staring right at him, heedless of the knowing smile playing on Yukina's lips as she looked between them.

"Well I'm glad you did," she said softly as she, too, looked at Yusuke. Abruptly he gathered his dishes and stood up, sure that his cheeks couldn't get any redder.

"Thanks for the grub Yukina," Yusuke said. "And as payment, I'll clean up after myself." He heard her giggling as he walked away, Kuwabara muttering about flirting, and Hiei mocking Kuwabara -but all he cared about was the warmth he'd seen in Hiei's eyes during that brief glance. "I must've really pissed some god off today," he muttered as he set the dishes in the sink. "Though hell if I know what I did."

"Don't try too hard to remember or your brain will break."

"GAH!" Yusuke shouted and jumped. His heart was thundering, but not just because he had been scared. He recognized that voice. "Dammit Hiei! Give a guy a warning, why don't you?!"

He turned around, and there Hiei stood, his own dishes in his hands. Yusuke had noticed the night before how quietly the other man could walk, but he didn't think anyone could be _that_ quiet. As Yusuke looked at Hiei, he became convinced. Something was different. Last night, Hiei had reminded him of a porcupine. Cute, but prickly ready to stab him if it was uncomfortable. But now, in this house and at this time, Hiei seemed more…relaxed. More like a cat than a porcupine. Confident, proud, and not scared to show itself. The shoulders that had been held tight yesterday were looser, and even his walk wasn't as tense.

 _How can someone change so much in one day?_ Yusuke wondered. He leaned against the counter, studying Hiei curiously even as he admired the way Hiei's black clothes brought out his pale skin. _I understand why he's not like I remember him. Death changes everyone. But one night? What the hell happened?_

"I _would_ like to wash my dishes before my arms fall off," Hiei stated dryly. Yusuke turned red and awkwardly moved to the side. Not far enough, though, because when Hiei moved forward he could feel the body heat that radiated from the other man. He took another step, trying not to appear as awkward as he felt even though he was pretty sure Hiei's opinion of him couldn't get any lower. He blinked when Hiei thrust a dishtowel forward, and almost laughed when he noticed the bright pink rubber gloves that now covered Hiei's arms. "I wash, you dry. I'm not doing all of your work for you."

Yusuke grinned and took the towel. "Deal." The water was turned on, and they began their work. Hiei would meticulously clean and rinse every dish, doing a much better job than Yusuke would have, and Yusuke himself would dry them as well as he could with the towel and then place them on the drying rack. They had just finished when Yukina and Kuwabara walked in with their own dishes.

"We'll take over now," Yukina said with a smile. "You two go relax. We'll join you when we're done."

Hiei grunted, Yusuke gave a grinning salute, and the two of them made their way to the sitting room. This area was tatami-free, and instead had a long couch and two chairs situated around a large TV. Hiei took one chair, and Yusuke took the other. Yusuke leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees, glancing up through his bangs at Hiei. The man was almost swallowed by the extremely cushioned chair, but he continued to appear relaxed and at ease. He almost looked like the man Yusuke remembered. Yusuke cleared his throat, willing moisture back into it, and forced his nerves to stop dancing.

"Look, uh…I wanted to say I'm sorry. About last night." Their eyes met as Hiei looked at him. If Yusuke didn't know any better, he'd say Hiei was confused. "I asked some questions and said some things I probably shouldn't have when we don't really know each other, and I just…I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Hiei said after a moment. Yusuke blinked and his mouth dropped open a bit, and all Hiei did was smirk. "As tactless as you undoubtedly are, last night wasn't…unpleasant. Surprising, yes. But…" Here he paused and seemed to be debating on what to say. Hiei glanced at the door, as though to make sure they were alone, and continued in a lower voice. "But you said some things I needed to hear. So thank you."

Yusuke couldn't believe it. Here he was, mentally kicking himself for pretty much 24 hours because he was certain Hiei wanted nothing more than to kick his ass for what he'd said, and instead the other man was thanking him?

"Sorry, but huh?" Hiei gave a long-suffering sigh and rolled his eyes, which made Yusuke's eye twitch a bit. He hated it when people did that.

"I said: thank you. When Kurama….passed away, it was like I went with him. It wasn't just my heart that broke, it was the rest of me, and I didn't know how to deal with it. The only time I went outside was to go to the store, or to go to a meeting, and I barely spoke to Yukina. I was living like I was dead." Yusuke watched Hiei flex his hands subconsciously, as though trying to remind himself that he was alive. "I didn't know how to keep going if he wasn't there." Hiei took a deep breath, and when their eyes met Yusuke didn't feel the urge to look away at all. "In that accident, Kurama saved me. The car was going to hit both of us, but he saw it coming. I know because he pushed me away before the car hit. It grazed me and hit him directly."

 _The gods are cruel_ , Yusuke thought helplessly. _His lover dies, and he remembers him saving his life? Who could live knowing that?_ He ached to walk over and just hold his hand, or touch his shoulder, or do _something_ to let him know he wasn't alone. But all Yusuke could do was sit there and let Hiei finish.

"He gave up his own life to save mine, and I wasn't doing a damn thing to thank him for it with how I was 'living.' And I guess you reminded me of that last night, in a way. What was it? 'You just gotta learn to live with what he left you?' Well, what he left me with was the life he wanted me to have. And I need to stop wasting it."

Yusuke watched as Hiei stood up, and yeah, there was definitely light shining in his eyes. Yusuke's breath caught in his throat from just how damn attractive Hiei was. He'd known it before, but with how he was standing now, tall and with no weight on his shoulders and only the barest veil of grief over his eyes, he was literally breathtaking. Hiei walked over to him, and Yusuke forced himself to swallow a lump that appeared in his own throat. Hiei held out his hand and said, "Thank you."

Hesitantly, Yusuke reached out his own hand and clasped Hiei's. He almost melted from the heat. He looked from their hands to Hiei's eyes again, and suddenly his mischievous streak came out. Yusuke shook Hiei's hand once, but then turned his own and quickly laced his fingers through Hiei's. "I guess I am pretty amazing," he gloated. Only to jump when Hiei curled his own fingers around Yusuke's.

"You're _something,_ " he said, a smirk curling at his lips. They stayed that way for seconds that felt like years to Yusuke's racing heart. He had no doubt that Hiei could feel his pulse through their connected hands, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away.

 _I'm in way over my head_ , he thought, and lightly ran his thumb over Hiei's hand. _But I've been there for a while._ He felt a tremor under his fingers, and when he saw how dark Hiei's eyes were, he also thought _Maybe I'm not the only one._

The moment ended when they heard Yukina and Kuwabara coming back. Without a word they separated their hands, and Hiei went back to his chair while Yusuke reclined more comfortably in his.

"By the way," Hiei said, causing Yusuke to look at him in curiosity. "I'll bring your cellphone to the temple tomorrow."

 _Seriously, what god did I piss off?_

* * *

 _If you enjoyed this, please remember to leave me a review!_


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